But then I realized that I say this pretty much every time I come back to LA after a pseudo-nervous breakdown in New York, and that it's unfair to say that I hate New York in the large scope of things. It's totally a cycle now. (1) New York- I have a miserable zombifying period of non-stop cold work in which I completely neglect my personal happiness/health (2) LA - I come back and re-charge and re-discover what it's like to be a happy and good-feeling human being (3) I come back to New York re-charged and remember how much I actually love New York and am usually happy there too.
That said... my. GOD. I fucking love socal. There's not a doubt in my mind that i'm going to settle back here in the future. The past couple of days have been surreally pleasant... it's summer all over again. the weather has been immaculate (with the exception of one slightly overcast day) - it's so warm that i've been able to go surfing everyday without a wetsuit. tons of people are out in summer gear - i just got back from the venice boardwalk, and loads of funky (good-funky) people were out. there was a great drum circle going on at sunset... such an amazing energy flowing through it, people from all walks of life. Before that, I went surfing. Before that, I went hiking with my dad on this fantastic trail which culminated in one of the most amazing vistas of the Pacific I've ever seen. and that was all just today...
the past couple of days have been... to say the bare minimum... so, so, so nice. That feeling you get when you catch a wave... or even when you're tossed around by the Pacific and slammed onto the ocean floor (haha)... and then afterwards just plopping down on the warm sand and passing out in exhaustion/ecstasy... that's such an irreplaceable feeling. new york has vitality and a unique heartbeat, but this place has soul (for lack of a cornier metaphor). the feeling of switching from the new york rhythm to the LA rhythm is not unlike an complex knot coming undone.
agh, here i go again trying to analyze my life and squish everything into a new york/LA dualism. of course it's not that simple. but damn, it feels so nice to be here again. constant smiles and body tingles. warmth and peace.
and yes, i am very much trying to forget that i'm leaving the day after tomorrow... and that I have an architecture project due hours after I arrive in new york... haha :(